1. Watering the Christmas tree is not the same as lifting your leg on the pine in the front yard . . . Don’t do it . . . as tempting as it may be.
2. A turd on the rug does not a present make.
3. Remember that not all the packages under the tree are for you . . . even the ones that smell yummy!
4. Oh . . . and about that tree . . . don’t drink the water under it.
5. As tempting as it may be to steal the bowl of chocolates from the coffee table, remember a trip to the emergency clinic Christmas Eve is not going to make anyone happy . . . especially not you!
6. Understand that Aunt Betty will not understand you sniffing “her parts” and slobbering her with kisses.
7. Those shiny balls hanging from the limbs are not tennis balls or chew toys.
8. Be tolerant of children and have a good hiding spot if things get out of control.
9. Be charming and beg subtly and respectfully
10. Uncle Fred IS GOING TO SIT on the couch . . . IN YOUR FAVORITE SPOT . . . and he will not think any of your 85 pounds are a cute lap dog.
11. Remember they are going to dress you up in antlers and string lights around your neck and take lots of pictures . . . just grin and bear it . . . they think it is cute!
12. The guy in the white beard and the red suit . . . that really loud guy with a gut jiggling like a bowl full of jelly . . . yeah that guy! . . . he was invited, so don’t bite him.
13. Take lots of naps . . . you’ve earned it!